TIFU by trusting Google Map’s ETA estimate – April 1, 2023 at 07:54AM

Obligatory “didn’t happen today” but instead on 1/4/23. I just now saw a post that reminded me of the incident which is why I’m posting it now. Also, I think some people might find it funny.

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Cast:

My mom- A

My dad- B

My then-girlfriend- CC

Me- First-person pronouns(duh)

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Important context:

At the time, CC and I were dating but we were somewhat discreet since I didn’t know if my parents would approve of me being in a relationship. I say “somewhat” because CC still came over to my house and stuff but I made sure that my parents were under the impression that we were just platonic friends and nothing more. Unfortunately, I only had a permit rather than a license so I couldn’t drive to where CC was staying so she always drove to my house, which was roughly 20 miles away.

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Fast forward to the day of the FU:

I felt bad that CC had to drive 40 miles every time she wanted to see me so I decided to surprise her: I would sneak out with one of the bicycles in my garage and bike to where she was staying. According to Google Maps, biking the 20 miles would only take 1 hr 40 mins, so the plan was to start at 1 PM and arrive at 2:40 PM, hang out with her for 2 hours, and leave at 4:40 PM. This would ensure that I’d be back home before sundown. Also, I didn’t tell my parents about this plan because I feared that, if they knew that I’d bike that far to see CC, then they’d realize that I’m head over heels for her.

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Anyways, as planned, at around 12:45 PM, I started my bike ride and the ordeal was…humbling, to say the least: By the time the 1 hr and 40 mins(the time it SHOULD have taken me to get there) passed, I only travelled 8 or 9 miles. It also didn’t help that it was very rainy that day and it was my first time touching a bike in 6 years…

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Unfortunately, I never arrived at my destination because, at 5:45 PM, about 1.5 miles away, the chain of my bike got tangled in some plants and it broke off, rendering my bicycle inoperable. I would have tried walking the remaining 1.5 miles but, at that point, my nether regions were really sore from all the rubbing with the seat, my quads were aching, my hamstrings were aching, and my glutes were aching. Oh, and I was also extremely dehydrated because I was too shortsighted to bring something to drink with me.

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Stranded 19 miles from my house while being extremely tired and dehydrated, I made the tough decision to ruin the surprise and I texted CC asking if she could pick me and my bike up. I felt pretty bad for making her drive and for dirtying her car with my bike so I apologized but she was extremely sweet about everything and even said that she was moved by the fact that I was willing to bike that far through rain to see her. Since I was really dehydrated, CC took us to this nearby Boba place.

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Afterwards, I called my understandably worried parents and arranged for them to pick me and the bike up from the parking lot of the Boba place. They were both rightfully pissed: A was mostly pissed that I went so far without telling her and, that too in the rain, while B was pissed that I went without a helmet but also kind of impressed that I biked that far.(“That’s my boy!” type vibes lol)

Surprisingly, neither of them SUSPECTED a thing and they both still assumed we were friends. They were immigrants here and grew up elsewhere so I don’t think that they’re dense or anything but rather that there’s some cultural barrier.

Anyways, walking for the next few days was a pain bc of how sore I was waist-down. Still, I don’t think I’d change a thing about that day bc I still got to spend time with CC :’)

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TL;DR: Bike ride to then-gf’s place took substantially longer than Google Maps said it would and legs, butt and balls became super sore and bike was temporarily damaged :/