TL;DR Bad texter date went on vacation to home country and disappeared off the map despite no signs that he’d lost interest. Says he’ll text me when he gets back but I’m feeling like he’s just not that into me. Can’t figure out if it’s all in my head.

Sorry for the essay. This should probably be a diary entry and not a post on reddit lol. But here goes.

We (two guys, both 30M) met at the end of July and really hit it off. He had just moved to my city and I had a great time showing him around the city, taking him to my favorite restaurants, parks, etc. To be honest, there were weeks when we probably spent ~too~ much time together – e.g., I’d see him Thursday evening, then he’d invite me over Friday evening, and we’d be together through the entire weekend.

I have very little experience with relationships even at 30 years old, and I was constantly checking in to make sure I wasn’t suffocating him, and he would reassure me that I wasn’t. He initiates contact probably 50% of the time and when we’re out, he is very open about grabbing my hand, hugging me, etc. When we’re together he always tells me things like I make him feel safe, he trusts me, and so on. He has expressed that he feels we’re very compatible sexually. On more than one occasion he asked if I was seeing anyone else, which no, I haven’t been. My grandma recently had a major health scare where I was 90% sure she was going to die in hospital and he was super supportive and caring throughout the whole situation.

We haven’t had “the talk” and my lack of experience has prevented me from initiating it. One time I jokingly asked if we were friends with benefits and he said, “I hate that term. I really like being with you.” He is VERY involved with his friends back in his home country (I’m American, he’s from a country in southern Europe) and he’s mentioned before that he has very few American friends. His friends back home are people he’s been close to since childhood, and he talks about them all the time which I think is sweet. I know them by name and by face at this point.

The one thing that bugs me about him is that he’s an awful texter – when we’re not together and not actively planning a meetup, I’ll text him “How was your day?” and get “Good u” as a response. So many of his texts are just “Lol” “Cool” “Ok” “Sure.” However, when we are together he seems fully engaged and barely touches his phone unless it’s to take a picture to send to his friends back home.

Fast forward to now, he’s gone on vacation to his home country. The day before he left, he called me over for a walk and we had a really nice talk, then he invited me out for dinner. I told him via text later that I’d love to stay in touch and maybe see a few photos from his trip and he responded “Lol sure” which drove me crazy but I took it as just him being a bad texter and not trying to be dismissive.

4-5 days into his trip, I hadn’t heard from him so I shot him a short message saying I hoped he was having a great time. That was Monday, and he read the message but no reply. Finally because I’m a nervous/anxious wreck, I wrote him again this (Friday) morning checking in and telling him to let me know when he’s back in town and over jetlag if he’d like to keep hanging out. He responded after a few hours saying he had decided to extend the trip but that he would probably be back next week, and he would “definitely” text me when he gets back. That was it, no “how are you,” “what’s new,” etc.

I guess I just feel conflicted, because on the one hand, he’s a bad texter and he is probably spending lots of time with friends and family, and I would never expect him to prioritize me, whom he’s known for 2 months, over them. He’s also a doctor in a pretty high-stress specialty, so I recognize he needs to disconnect and unwind. On the other hand, I feel like if I meant anything to him at all, he’d be thinking about me and would check in here and there over the course of his 2-week trip. I’m not asking for even daily texts – just 5 seconds to respond to my one message saying “yeah my trip is great thanks.”

I’m trying to look at everything in context, but my brain is absolutely screaming negative self-talk at me to the point that I have felt completely overwhelmed, sad, and unwell mentally this week, wondering if I imagined it all, if I should take a hint and move on and leave him alone. I know this all makes me sound pretty immature but I’m telling you, I’m 30 years old and this is potentially my first relationship, if it is even a relationship at all. What I’m not willing to do is confront him over this when it could just be my own depression and insecurities playing tricks on my brain.